my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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