YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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