i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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