I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
