I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
