i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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