I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
