Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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