I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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