and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
