Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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