Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
