I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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