The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Houston, we have a squirter
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize