Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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