I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
