Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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