I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
