i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
