Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
