My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
