Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
