i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
