Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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