he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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