two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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