i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
