nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
