I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
