she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
