I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
