My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
