3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
