ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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