Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
