I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize