.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
