..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
