I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
