I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize