Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
