You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
