I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
