how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
