i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
