so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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