so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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