when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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