Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
