My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
