We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
