I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dick very happy bro
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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