You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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