I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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