piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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