im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
