it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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