I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
