And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
