Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
only if we run a train.
done.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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