Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
