doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
