just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Couch. On fire.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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