I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
