when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Randomize
