I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
