ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize