how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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