so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize