is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
