I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
