hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
