At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
