Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
