How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize