well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
