I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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