i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
