Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
