a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
