Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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