Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm always down for nudity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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