Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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