is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
