It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
