She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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