He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
