i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
