She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
