I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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