He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
